The Reasons Why “Nice Guys” Always Finish Last
June 22, 2008
Everyone’s heard it, and many realize the truth it holds in regards to real world scenarios, however there are still those who adamantly feel that “nice guys” end up getting the girl. Not only is this a pipe dream, usually had by the “nice guys” themselves, or the girls who claim to like the “nice guys” in an attempt to make themselves feel better, regardless of why or whom is making the claim the truth is pretty cut and dry – “nice guys” become “friends” while the “dick heads” end up with the prize.
Here are a couple reasons why this nuance bears so much truth:
“First, “nice” equates with boring and predictable. Look up “nice” in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average — not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I’ll bet you’ve never heard a woman say she didn’t want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting — have you? But, I’ll bet you have heard women say things like, “He’s such a nice guy. He’s so sweet and he’s always there for me, but I only like him as a friend.” Or, “He’s such a good guy — kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal — but there’s no chemistry. He just doesn’t turn me on.” Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won’t work.”
“To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, “Why does the guy who doesn’t appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?” is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much — all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman’s attention, affection, and approval — and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he’s already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything – why would she value him? She won’t.”
“It works like this: Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation.” Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it’s outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value. Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value… it’s human nature.”
“The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything — his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman’s response or reaction to him is. He doesn’t gush with compliments; he isn’t always available; he doesn’t give too much; and he knows he isn’t going to die if a woman says “no” to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I’d like to go out with you, but if I can’t, that’s OK — I’m a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.”
Boo ya! There ya have it my friends, the reasons and analytics into why the “nice guys always finishes last.” Mind you these were not my “reasons”, far from it, this was actually a piece written by Relationship Advice expert April Masini, who has been dubbed, “The New Millenniums ‘Dear Abby’.” Not only is lady an expert in the field, she also claims to be the one that will say the things people’s shrinks “don’t have the guts to tell them.”
So to all you guys out there who want to continue lying to themselves, and keep your “nice guy” game in play, fine – suit yourself. But realize that regardless of what your mother tells you, or what your friends that happen to be girls claim to like in a guy – realize two things: a) it’s your mother – the same lady said you could be an astronaut one day back when you were 7 years old, and b) there’s a reason those “friends” that happen to be females are just that - “friends”.
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