The Best Of "You Know You’re a Republican/Democrat If….."

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I was flipping through my coffee table books earlier today and I picked up “You Know You’re a Republican/Democrat If…..”, by Frank Benjamin. Instantly I remembered why I purchased this book in the first place as I sat on my couch laughing laughing to myself, and it was then that I decided to share a couple of my favorites here. I mean the current race has everyone either stressed out, or deadlocked in debate over who will win, who should win, and everything else surrounding the current Democratic primary and upcoming general election. So here you go, I present to you my “Best Of You Know You’re a Republican/Democrat If…”:

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You think Colin Powell might make a good President if he weren’t black.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You think Colin Powell might make a good President if he wasn’t a conservative.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You can’t stand your gay uncle but invite him to your sons wedding because he is rich.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You can’t stand your rich uncle, but invite him to your daughters graduation because he is gay.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You have a soft spot in your hear for corporate tax attorneys.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You have a soft spot in your heart for product liability trial lawyers.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You favor free speech, except for burning the flag or criticizing U.S. military policy.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You favor free speech, except for the ugly words about minorities, the disabled, or endangered species.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You give a beggar your business card, invite him to come in and apply for a job, and walk away feeling smug.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You give a beggar a dollar bill and walk away worrying that he will spend it on booze.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You think public education is broken and doesn’t deserve more money, and you send your children to an expensive private school.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You think public education is the backbone of America, it just needs more money, and you send your children to an expensive private school.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You feel you must hide your secret passion for reading Rolling Stone magazine.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You feel you must hide your secret passion for watching stock car racing.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You refused to waste your time reading Internet blogs until you learned Sean Hannity writes one. Now you’re hooked.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You’re pretty sure Al Gore invented blogs to.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “You paid $1,000.00 to stuff the head of the trophy buch you shot. You share the venison with your business partner.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “You paid $1,000.00 for a guided trout fishing excursion that was, of course, strictly catch and release.”

• You Know You’re a Republican If “Your source for illegal drugs is your maid.”
• You Know You’re a Democrat If “Your source for illegal drugs is your uncle.”

There you go, there are my favorite “You Know You are a Republican/Democrat If…” The ones listed above are just a small fraction of the hundreds included in the book itself, a book which I highly recommend you grab especially if you are political junkie of either party affiliation.

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